I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
