sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm both gender and math confused
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
