So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
