just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
