On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
