i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Someone came in the potted fern
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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