Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
