Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
