Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
