Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
