Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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