I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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