I want to have your abortion
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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