Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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