we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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