Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize