dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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