I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
