Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize