I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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