I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
