That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
do nipples grow back?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
