Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
