Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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