I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
