Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
