i think my tv is drunk
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
