Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
