I want to have your abortion
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
