My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
third nipple confirmed
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