I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
