i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
