So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
