mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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