turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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