I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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