he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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