She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
