Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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