M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
