I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
