I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
