He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
