you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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