girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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