bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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