dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
nutella sex= disaster
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
