Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
