gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
