this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize