If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
