mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
