Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Still dying that you shit outside
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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