I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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