he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
