If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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