So drunk its hurt
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
