he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He told me they were just razor bumps!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
