I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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