God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
