I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
