If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
