remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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