Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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