Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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