I cockslap morals
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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