If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
